first, remove the giblets

For the most part, I lean toward ambivalence during the holidays. I haven't always been like that. When I was growing up, the holidays were all about getting together with the large, extended family, everybody bringing food and presents, and every gathering was loud and raucous and full of laughing and talking and arguing. Fun stuff.

But then I grew up. I married a man who grew up hundreds of miles away and we lived in his city. He came from a smaller family and although they were wonderful people, their family holidays were genteel and placid. My children coming along livened things up a little, as kids will do, but when my husband and I divorced, the holidays changed, yet again.

The kids spent the holidays with their dad and his family. It only seemed fair, to let them have those family traditions instead of selfishly keeping them home, alone with just me. So I spent the holidays, at least those specific days, alone.

Now, spending the holidays alone has become something I'm entirely too used to doing. I miss those big, loud family gatherings. I want that for myself and my family, again.

Starting with this year, I'm taking the holidays back.

Yes, my daughter is going with my grandson and her fiancee to his family's house in the early afternoon. And yes, my son has to work until 5:00. But I'm making dinner, and tonight, my family will be around me. And we'll be big (in a small way) and loud.

And it will feel like old times.